Once upon a time there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. Then one day he met a beautiful girl and he fell madly in love with her. When it was apparent that they would marry he thought to himself, "She is such a sweet and lovely girl, she will never go for this carrying on." So he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up his beloved beans. They were married shortly thereafter.
Some months after his marriage, his car broke down on his way home from work. Since he and his wife lived in the country, he phoned her to say he wouldn't be home at his usual hour because he had to walk the rest of the way home.
On his way home he passed a small cafe and the odor of freshly baked beans was overwhelming. Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home, so he stopped at the cafe. Before leaving he ate three large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted and after arriving home, felt he had putt-putted his last.
His wife was somewhat agitated and excited to see him and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner this evening." She then blindfolded him and led him to his seat at the head of the table. He sat down and just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She made him promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned. She left him to answer the phone. Seizing the opportunity, he shifted his weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud but as ripe as rotten eggs. He took his napkin and vigorously fanned the air around him. He felt another urge coming on, shifted to the other leg, and let go again. This was a prize winner! While keeping one ear on the phone conversation, he kept on for another ten minutes. Upon hearing the phone hang up, he placed his napkin in his lap, folded his hands on top of it and smiled contentedly to himself, the very picture of innocence.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked and he, of course, assured her that he hadn't. At this point she removed the blindfold and there was his surprise--twelve dinner guests seated around the table for a birthday party!
STAR TREK on Novocain: To poldly bow air mobius gumby four!
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